I couldn't come up with a heading for this entry because I really don't know how I feel. I'm 54 today, and I'm torn between the joy of having lived this long with all the idiot decisions I've made over all those years, and the realization that because of those decisions I'm not where I thought I should be.

My major joy is my son. He has grown up into a compassionate and moral man. At 19, he doesn't really have a pointed goal of what he wants to do, but he's not accusing anyone or anything of stopping him from achieving it, and I would do all in my ability to help him achieve is goals.

I"m very conflicted on this anniversary. I feel I've done good in my life, but feel that there is so much more that should have been done.